If you have ever gone on a date and thought any following statements, then this blog is written for you my friend.
"If he is this dumb on a date to Buddy's Pizza, how will he act at an outing with my co-workers?"
"Will she act like a snob if I take her to a hip hop show at Drews? Shit! She only listens to the Jonas Brothers!"
"If I took him to Funk Night would he end up in the fetal position in the corner?"
"Will she make fun of me because I take time off of work for going to the Downtown Hoe Down?"
Ladies...Do you remember that one scene from Clueless? Where they were all sitting at the restaurant and Cher finally reveals that she is a virgin to Tai and Dione? There is something she says in that scene that is one of the best quotes I've ever heard about dating/relationships/etc.
"You see how picky I am about my shoes and they just go on my feet." (c) Cher Horowitz
I love this statement.
So many times "women my age" (FML by the way) and men too...get so caught up in the fact that they are single, that when they let societal pressures get under their skin, they settle for any Tom, Dick (pun intended) and Harry, or Tina, Diane and Harriet that comes their way. Then months down the road, they are unhappy and "stuck" with someone they didn't really vibe with in the first place! All for what? Comfort? A warm body? Companionship? Get a damn dog if you are that lonely! Don't just keep someone with you that has mad feelings for you when you aren't feeling them, just because they show you attention.
Someone once said to me that "In all relationships someone always loves a little bit more than the other." I'm on the fence about this one, because I think soul mates should match each other in passion and care. BUT. If you know you love less than the other... either step up or step off. Do us all a favor.
Point of the blog...Be selective. (But not too selective)
When I was younger my criteria for dudes was pretty generic. You know what that got me? A stockpile of napkins from Clutch Cargos with phone numbers, a slew of six-week relationships and a lifetime of awkward moments when I run into them at the mall, weddings, etc. Then my big brother from another mother Jude said this to me when I was in college...
"Adrienne...write down everything you want in a man and the next time you meet someone go over your list and if he doesn't line up with everything, then forget it." (c)Rude Jude
You know where that got me? Nowhere. Once I realized that no guy at Oakland U looked like Justin Timberlake, had dance moves like Justin Timberlake, had money like Justin Timberlake, had a voice like Justin Timberlake, could play basketball like Michael Jordan and could rap like Eminem I was finished! I actually told I guy I was dating that I had this list and you know what he said..."Good luck! That list is the worst thing ever! You are essentially setting up every man you meet for disaster."
He was right. I finally started figuring out who I was, got rid of that list, got my act together and met a great person. I realized I truly loved him, because he was my partner in crime! He was always down for me wherever I was and I was down for him wherever he was. It lasted a very long time, but not forever. Relationships come and go. But my point is this...know what you want, but leave some wiggle room. People aren't perfect, by any means.
So instead of just jocking any cute white boy with "bars" or developing a detailed checklist of my dream man I have a "test" that I use.
Before I divulge the details let me add this disclaimer: This is not scientifically proven. This is just something I like to think about when I go out with someone. This doesn't mean that I don't give guys a chance. Exactly the opposite. This doesn't mean it's set in stone. Shit! You could find the person of your dreams that fails this test completely. Do you! Im not encouraging you to be a snob or turn your nose up at people with differences... Just a thought/metaphor/idea. You dig? Don't jump into this test without any interaction with "that" person. I do that too often, and sometimes end up in the old "...book by the cover" syndrome, so give it time. NOT TOO MUCH TIME.
THE TAKE THEM ANYWHERE TEST: When you are getting to know someone, ask yourself, "Can I take them anywhere I go?" This test is great because everyone is different. My test will be different than yours. Yours will be different from your homegirl's and hers will be different from her homeboy's. For instance I ask myself...
Can I take him to a work gathering? (Will they not act a complete fool? Will they smell like weed? Will they smack a co-workers ass?
What about dinner with family? (Will he be able to interact with my mom and dad at Outback Steakhouse?)
So he can kick it at a Guilty Simpson show, but what about these late night Reggae spots? (Will he be unnerved by women humping the ground and jumping off of sound systems at 4 in the morning with a bunch of rastas?)
What if we go to a wedding and we don't know ANYONE! Can he deal? (Will I have to sit there and stare at my bland chicken?)
Can he go to a party with me where he doesn't know anyone? (Can he interact with people? Or will I have to baby sit him)
How will he act if I take him church with my mom? (Will he be sweating balls or roll with it?)
I can go on for days, but you get the point right? And it's not just about going out and about. Look at the big picture. If they can roll with you wherever you need to be...that's a clear indication that they can roll with you and be there for you for more important things. And think about it? If you can take them anywhere that means their personality is compatible with yours, all the while being a grown up! Right? They don't have to have all the same interests as you or even like them at all. But can they accept you for being you? Without a complaint, without judgement and with a smile? And also! Do you feel comfortable with them? Im not saying that they have to "fit in" or be "apart of the in crowd" they should be adaptable. I shouldn't have to keep saying "OMG I know you don't like hip hop, Im sorry, this will be over soon" C'mon! Don't sell yourself short. Your interests and life make you who you are. Now here's the flip side. If you find a guy that is the man of your dreams and he just so happens to love Dilla AND NASCAR, deal with it! Right? Put those earplugs in and start counting those laps. If you find the girl of your dreams who loves sneakers, shut up and go shopping for stilettos once in a while. Shit...even suggest it. What's great about this is that your situations are a reflection of you, so this test is built to be adaptable. I just encourage you to find someone who accepts you for the weird shit you do. I do a lot of weird shit....I'm just saying.
(But guys...this doesn't mean you kick her to the curb if she doesn't want to go the titty bar with you. Ladies...this doesn't mean he HAS to go to a Yankee Candle Company party that your lovely aunt Eugene is throwing. You get the point.)
Know what you want. It's like going shopping when you don't know what you are looking for. It's a waist of time and you end up with a Cina-Bon, Olga Snackers and a cheap pair of shoes from Wet Seal that you don't wear. Point being, is if you don't know what you are looking for, you'll never find it. And on that note...
Justin...I'm single, holla.
Oh! 1 More Note! This is not an endorsement of siamese couples either! That shit is stupid. You do not have to do everything together. Don't get me wrong...yes boo...I love that you accept me for who I am, but you don't have to go EVERYWHERE. Especially if you don't want to. Balance people...the key is balance!
O. I will not make any exceptions for dudes in to Dungeons and Dragons. Just saying.
