Krogering Revisited.

This is a personal blog today.
I am feeling mad lazy. I was supposed to go to the gym today. You know to kick the Sin City diet in high gear. But nope! Not today. I'm not telling you what's new, what's crackin', nothing. Just telling you another Kroger story.

So I went grocery shopping today. Now if you track my blogs you will see how long ago I went grocery shopping. A LONG TIME AGO! I have been living off of McDonald's cheeseburgers and Chocolate Milk because I just don't feel like grocery shopping. I hate it. I used to love it. I just hate it now. But then it dawned on me. It's not just because I'm lazy! It's because it seems as though I have a traumatic experience every time I go.

Today was no mother fucking exception to the rule.

The last time I went I had a sexual experience in the frozen food aisle. Click THIS LINK if you haven't read it.

Well this time I was hit on by what could have easily have been my dad's twin brother. Please hire the DJ for my funeral because I am about to have a stroke just thinking about this again. Instead of giving you a long paragraph. I will give you the screen play.

*Enter Kroger left: Adrienne Williams a not so young, yet fresh looking nubile from Farmington Hills by way of Canton by way of Washington D.C. Adrienne shops for her monthly necesseties, toothpaste, bbq sauce, cookies, etc.

*Meat section (of course. and im not making this up) Old black man gives her the old black man eye.

*She shakes it off and keeps it moving

*Powdered drink aisle. She's buying sugar free kool-aid. Old man is in the aisle. Wrong aisle. Looking for Metamucil.

Old Man: "hello"

Adrienne: "Hiiii-yeeeee"

*Adrienne keeps it moving now looking for fruit punch. Can't find it because everything has lemons and bananas in it!! fuck!

*Next aisle. The most ghetto couple on planet earth is arguing about chocolate sauce. Wife is missing teeth.

Husband: (Grabs wife's arm) C'mon now bitch...git on. (I'm not kidding)

Old Man: C'mon you two...no arguing in Kroger

Adrienne: (mistake 1) Yea! I don't have time for this shit. My milk is getting warm and you two are in my way. You heard the man...git on.

Old Man: psss. psss. psss. miss? miiiss? miiiiiiiiss?

*Adrienne turns and looks (mistake 2)

Old Man: ( Blinking like he is teleporting back to 1957) "Hello miss. ummm Ummm. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?"

Adrienne (mistake 3): I'm 29. (Fuck! Why didn't I say 17????)

Old Man: (AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!!!!): ooo. ooo. hmmmm. eeesssh. aaaa...ooo. wow. 29. boy I don't know. That's kind of young"

PAUSE

Old Man: BUT I'M STILL INTERESTED yeh -he he he.

Adrienne: Ummmm. o um. No thanks dad er I mean sir. But thank you!

Old Man: You are welcome you foxy little thang.

*fuck my life.

O I forgot to mention that I saw this fine as man walk the aisles. I said

"HAAAAAAAAAY BOO!" to MYSELF ass I was checking him out. Who knew the motherfucker had sonar hearing and turned around and shot me the grimiest look and said on his cell phone "I think some girl just say 'hey boo' at me"

*fuck my life x 2