Marty: "I like her because is just real mean to everyone and shows no emotion. But I like Julia Louis Dreyfus, Wanda Sykes and Kathy Griffin...I like anyone that is really short apparently!"
Well here is my posse in my head...
BFF: Christina Applegate (I would have so much fun with her...Jus drinkin' booze and talkin' shit! And we can talk about how poorly we dressed in the late 80's early 90's)
My Back Up BFF: Cameron Diaz (We both kind of act like idiots, but we have the same taste in dudes. Unfortunately our friendship would not have lasted too long as I would have smashed with Justin behind her back on countless occassions. Anyone have Jessica Biel's phone number?)
My Guy BFF: Dave Chappelle (Tell me you wouldn't want to hang out w/ me and Dave??!!)
My Back Up Guy BFF: Kanye West (I <3 Kanye. He is def running neck and neck with Dave. We would talk about music and fashion all day. yessssss)
The One Guy Friend That Pretends to Be my Guy Friend, but really only wants to smash: TIE! (Ghostface & Jim Jones)
My Frienemy: Rihanna. (I'd be friends with her because we are both pretty. But I'd hate on her behind her back because she's prettier, rich, has more money and is better looking. But she jocks my hairstyle and the way I dress...bitch. But I'd wear really low cut tops around Chris Brown...until he smacked me then I'd kick him in the balls)
My Cool Friend that I am openly jealous of to the point of borderline girl crush: M.I.A. (I pretty much like everything about her.)
My One Friend that I borrow money from with no intention of ever paying back:
Lindsay Lohan: (She's so scatter brained she'd have no idea she co-signed for 3 new Yukon Denali's for me)
My One Friend I Borrow Clothes From: Salma Hayek. (Tits Man. Tits)
My One Friend that I get drunk with: Pink! (I know that if I say some dumb shit when I'm hammered, she'd easily woop someone's ass)
My One Guy Friend that I pretend to be friends with, but secretly lust after: Ryan Reynolds (It would go something like this: "O Ryan...Scarlett payin' you no mind, just rest your weary head on my cleavage, it'll be ok. Can I get you a glass of merlot?)
My one thug friend: Jim Jones (Repeat...We have a multi facited friendship)
My one friend with no friends but me: Amy Winehouse (The bitch can sing. She's a trainwreck, but she can sing)
My One Friedn from way back that I still talk to and compete with for life acheivements: Keisha Knight Pulliam (Me and Rudy been beefin' & competing since way back)
My one ghetto ass friend from myold neighborhood that I only go to strip clubs with:
Keyshia Cole (Nuff Said)
My one old friend that teaches me about life lessons and other old people shit:
Mort Crim (He's a wise old man)
My Boyfriend: Justin Timberlake (C'mon. I'm pretty predictable sometimes)
Boyriend #2: Pharrell Williams (<3)
Friend With Benefits: Paul Walker (I would never want him to talk for fear my education would regress by about 1 year everytime we had a conversation. So we'd just get our freak on)
My one lesbian friend that I know has a crush on me but won't admit it: (Missy)
My married couple friends that I can't stand hanging out with because all they talk about is being married and their kids and their dog and their house and their car:
Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos (Ug. If they could be anymore perfect I would probably vomit)
My one friend who isn't really my friend, but I claim that she's my friend because she's mad rich: Victoria Motherfucking Bekham. (I love her. I love her clothes. Her husband, her money. I stole her hairstyle before Rihanna did. Now if only I weighed about 9lbs.)
My one trainwreck friend who always drunk dials me: TIE! Britney Spears & Shia LeBouf
My one friend who ALWAYS gets into barfights: Colin Farrell I can picture him dragging me to every Irish Pub on the planet and just starting shit everywhere!!!
My Overly Dramatic Friend: Gary Coleman
Last but not least....
My one friend that I am ashamed of hooking up with that one night I had too many red bull and vodkas....
KEVIN FEDERLINE...
(I'm sorry, he may be a deadbeat low life, but I'd still smash. There's nothing better than a trashy white boy in a Yankee's fitted, wife beater and drinking coffee with a straw. Mo Dubbs would be so proud.)
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