Detroit Taste Makers League: My Pre-Mid Life Crisis.

I never EVER EVER EVER thought I would be one of those women who bug out about their age when they hit the big age land marks. Well I am slowly morphing into one of those people. I remember when I was 16 and I would say things like, "I am definatley going to be married by 22. I will have kids by 25, because I want my husband and I to run around and have fun without kids in the house." When I was 22 was trying not to throw up from my nights at Have A Nice Day Cafe. When I was 25 I was ballin' out of control in Vegas. Fast forward to 29. I'm single and still recovering from an 8 year relationship with a dead beat.

It's really not that big of a deal that I'm 30. But it's what people are saying to me lately that has been driving me up the wall.

(This one was 2 years ago) "You don't act like any 27 year old I know" -Brian G

"What? Adrienne! You're 29! I had no idea. I thought you were young" -Sylvia C

"Can I see your ID? This is fake. You aint 29! You don't look that old" -Bouncer

"I was in a car seat when you were learning how to drive" -Shaun R (24..youngster I was going to get it in with until he said this and followed up with a drunk dial...after DAY 1)
"Adrienne. Man you look good for being that old. I mean you've aged well" -Mario

"I'm just saying you look good for your age. It's cuz Black don't crack" - A. Jenkins

"I love you girl. You got it goin' on. You're 29, got money. You're my lil' cougar." -Jason C. (Cougar? Really?)

How am I supposed to dress? Wear business suites, mom jeans, and crocs?

How am I supposed to act? Talk about being 29, listen to Luther Vandross and complain about taxes?

"Adrienne. Wow. You look good for your age. I thought you were like 25"

Translation: "Wow. Adrienne, you're 29, shouldn't your boobs be at your knee caps? You listen to rap music? How immature. You got botox right? O. You're single and don't have kids, I thought you were young. Because you should be married by now. O. So you're not married and you don't sleep around. Sooooo you're telling me you're a lesbian right?"

Sorry if I know how to moisturize, have supple boobies, Eat PB&J, collect sneakers, don't spread eagle for any decent mother fucker with a penis,savings account and a PPO. know all the words to rap jams. (See that was a throw back to old LL for all you young heads who don't know nothin' about dis here real hip hop) I'm 29. Not 79. Jesus Christmas. If you want to tell me I look good, just tell me I look good...not for my age. I work hard. I party. I bullshit. I do me. Do you.

Well. I'm 29. I'll be 30 in September.

(Guys who graduated high school in 2000 or above...get at me)

For the record, here are babyfaces just like me...

Adam Brody. (I think he's adorable. And I love Jewish guys. I have no idea why?)