Exs are the new Black.

So it's 2009 and since I am a taste maker I do what I can to stay at bare minimum a 1/2 step in front of the cool kids.

(My pace is getting faster, trust!)

But this new trend I have been behind the 8 ball on.

Exs.

Aren't they by default supposed to be the devil's spawn?

What's with everyone being cool with their exes these days? I mean beyond being cool. What's up with them maintaining positive and mature friendships? I mean shit! What happened to the days of seeing your ex girlfriend and wanting nothing more than to put cayenne pepper on her tampon? Or the good ol' fashion feeling of wanting to put a brick through your ex's windshield when you see him driving by with his new hussy? (Even IF you are in a committed and healthy relationship)

I have been involved with a FEW of situations where the ex is all up in the mix. (I mean on speed dial!) Like really? I don't care that it's Patty's birthday. O you want me to meet her? Great!

*"Barkeep, I'll have 3 Anorexic Pirates (captain and diet for those not in the know...I just made it up) back to back to back because I have to learn how this bitch has fucked up my dates mental psyche and overall self esteem beyond recognition when all I want to do is make some freaky jungle love and wake up the next day a 4pm and go to Outback Steakhouse without having to hear about how good Patty's mom makes banana nut bread"

Have you ever seen the show "All of Us"? It's a show loosely based on Will and Jada's sitch. The show has this man living in a house with his baby mama and son, while he's out dating and mating. What? Bitch please. If I strolled in and had to walk around at 3am in my skivvies (after making sweet jungle love of course) while trying find the fixins for a meatball sub in his fridge and have to move around baby mama looking for her Sprite labeled "baby mama's sprite", I might just have an embolism.

I just don't understand. Me? Personally? I hated my ex for quite some time. Then I got all grown up and shit and gave him a call to see how he was doing. BIG MISTAKE. He's doing fantastic! You know that scene in Sex and the City when Carrie saw Aiden's bff after they broke up and he said he was doing miserable? Yea. That wonderful made for tv moment didn't happen to me. So now I smile and listen to ALL the wonderful life affirming things that he's doing that he didn't do when we were together.

*Barkeep... make that a Bulimic Pirate" (Double the captain, 1/2 the diet coke... expressway to puke town USA)

I am going to try this friends with exs thing for a little while. A very little while. It just seems to me like the world is getting smaller and smaller and smaller and these relationships and situations are all starting to overlap. Like he dated her now she's dating him and they know each other from here, and she broke up with him and is now a lesbian and dating her who used to be a man...bla bla bla... As the world turns.

Stay Tuned for Details.

(Oh if you haven't noticed... Sundays are designated for personal stories and drama!)